You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize