I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
