if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
