just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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