Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
