We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
