check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
