Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
