I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
