awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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