dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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