i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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