While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
