we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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