so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we're making bets on your personal life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
