I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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