Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
