We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
