And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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