I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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