At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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