You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
