yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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