Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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