The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
