we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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