You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
