Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize