The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
