But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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