All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
