is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
