So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
