Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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