I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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