she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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