so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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