I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
