i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
