Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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