I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize