didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
