I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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