marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
