sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
