I think I am morally bankrupt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
