I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
