question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize