i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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