He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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