He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
