I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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