Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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