Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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