i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
