2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
