im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
