Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
