Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize