sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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