last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
