so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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