i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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