it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
