I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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