I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
