the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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