I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
