His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
