the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
