Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
