So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't trust your balls anymore.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
