Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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