Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
