so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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