I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
