A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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