The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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