you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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