worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
