Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just pee around me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
