ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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