oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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