That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize