I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
