dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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