Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
