Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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