YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
