well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
