Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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