He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
