My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
