You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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