well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize