I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
