were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
