what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
