You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
